Using Social Momentum to Enter into the Flow State
Van Wilder maintains a heightened emotional state of effortless attraction by always being the life of the party and keeping his energy high
Entering Into the Flow State
In the first couple lifestyle posts I talked about taking action, misidentifying from the mind and entering a state of deep presence. This is some really powerful stuff that will transform your life in every way possible. In today’s post I want to talk about creating positive momentum and entering into that flow state where attraction is effortless.
What you must understand is that your ability to be your best self and to be completely unstifled, charismatic and attractive is dependent on the emotional state that you’re in. I don’t care if you have horrific game, if you’ve been talking to girls all night long and are unattached from your ego and completely carefree, girls will be throwing themselves at you left, right and center.
To the contrary, you could have killer game but if you’ve been playing video games for three days straight and you decide to hit the bars, your game will be off. You’ll be completely out of state and you will come off contrived when talking to girls.
Therefore, it’s important that you boost your state up whenever you want to start approaching girls. Working out, healthy eating, adequate sleep and meditation are all incredibly effective at keeping you alert, centered and focused. However, to really blast into a state of effortless attraction you need to start building up momentum by talking to several girls when you’re out at a social venue.
What you’ll notice is that the first few approaches of the night might be a little weak and then BAM! You’ve hit the flow state, you’re high energy, you’re present (not stuck in your head) and you’re centered within yourself.
You see a girl and you just walk up to her and start chatting her up and next thing you know she can’t get enough of you. This isn’t your normal default state, but rather this is an intense and bad ass state that you ramp into by being social, positive and in the moment.
Shift Your Outlook on Approaching Women
For this to work, you must completely shift your outlook on approaching women. You see most guys put immense amounts of pressure on themselves when they’re about to approach a girl. They’re worried about getting rejected and looking like a fool and they’re stuck in their head thinking what they should say and if she’ll like them.
To get into the flow state you must lose yourself. You must stop with the obsessive need to seem cool and james bond like and keep some egoic identity intact. You must be willing to make a complete fool out of yourself and laugh it off. When I approach a girl I make my only criteria for success that I took action.
I don’t care if I’m blown out, if I took action and chatted the girl up then I’m happy. I also look for the amusement in everything. I find ways to joke around and boost my own state up. Being self amused and carefree is a dangerous combination and one which girls can’t resist.
This method forces you to tie your emotional state to taking action and being carefree. It’s not dependent on how people respond to you and how much validation you get. You’re drawing your state from within and this is one of the most attractive and useful qualities.
When you’re no longer seeking validation and you’re completely free of outcome, then you can have a beautiful interaction. There’s no hidden agenda, you’re not trying to preserve some identity and you’re not trying to get an ego fix.
When a girl can sense that a guy is unstifled, unattached to his ego and free of outcome, it’s like a breath of fresh air and they’re immediately drawn in. This is because girls are used to guys trying to get their validation.
Tyler’s Top Secret for Fine Tuned Social Momentum
Tyler Durden from Real Social Dynamics is an absolute master in attraction, social dynamics and taking action. This video is absolutely epic! It’s close to 18 minutes long but it’s packed with value.
Tyler get’s into the specifics as to why social momentum is so important and why you need to start approaching girls to get into state.
//www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXWflJS2TkE
Final Note
I hope you guys have been enjoying these articles and finding them valuable. In the up coming episodes I will be talking about body language, eye contact and vocal projection/tonality. If you’re big into movies you’ll notice that actors are very well skilled in these things and it’s probably why they’re usually considered to be so attractive. Also post your comments below offering your feedback and if you’d like to hear about anything in particular in the future.
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[…] Charisma is strongly related to what’s known as social flow. If you’ve ever lost track of time because you were enjoying a social interaction so much, you’ve experienced this state. When you were in this state, you were charismatic, confident, charming, etc. Unfortunately, this state is elusive to most people. […]
Hey Greg, I must tell you that when I first found this article, I felt so blessed for finding it because my top passion is all about fully enjoying my ability to effortlessly attract women all based on going with a flow of expressing my true self and my true sexual feelings towards the women that I’m naturally attracted to. The reason why I value your article so much is because there’s not much direct discussion about the flow state of attraction within the seduction community apart from Tyler’s discussion on social momentum.
By the way, your mention of “disidentifying from your mind” has reminded me of something that I like to call “emptying your mind” that’s inspired by Bruce Lee’s words of wisdom “Be like water my friend….empty your mind.”
Basically, you can say that in fact “disidentifying from your mind” and “emptying your mind” are the same thing if you will.
Once I hit the rock-bottom in my game where I almost totally lost myself, I realized that I should totally empty my mind for two main reasons:
a) I got stuck constantly forcing myself into mechanically approaching women just for the sake of making as many approaches a day as possible and not for the sake of actually enjoying my approaches. So, the most frustrating thing was that I was stuck doing something that I didn’t really enjoy.
b) My mind was overwhelmed with so much seduction related information, so many different openers, routines and strategies that I started to feel a sudden and ridiculously high rise in my approach anxiety that was driving me absolutely insane. And, the funny thing is that before finding the seduction community, I’d never suffered from such annoyingly high approach anxiety since I was proactive and self confident guy for most of my life.
What emptying my mind did for me is that it helped instantly free my mind up from all my pressures and worries around meeting women, because I decided to say to myself: “As of now, I’m no longer going out with any intention to approach and pick up any woman because the truth of the matter is that what’s making me feel so unnaturally tense and under tons of pressure is the very thought of forcing myself to mechanically approach women well before going out there.”
The way I like to describe how I really felt is that everytime I was about to go out on my short daily errands, these errands seemed to me like a sea full of sharks where the sharks were the women that I felt forced to approach.
Soon after I emptied my mind, I was blessed to get inspired with another Bruce Lee’s words of wisdom: “The art of fighting without fighting” (source: the movie “Enter The Dragon”). By the way, these words were Bruce Lee’s reply to the bad character in the movie where Bruce mentioned “the art of fighting without fighting” as his favorite martial arts style. This Bruce Lee quote made me experience another biggest light bulb moment on my journey of improving my game apart from my earlier light bulb moment related to emptying my mind, because I suddenly started to feel as if Bruce Lee was directly talking to me and said: “Stop chasing women and go out and pick them up without picking them up.” So, I said to myself “Wow, this sounds awesome! Why don’t I try out the art of picking up women without picking them up.” :)
Man, I can’t now tell you in words how amazingly happy and super excited I felt immediately after I came to these two important realizations that were: “emptying my mind” and “the art of picking up women without picking them up” (read: go out with no intention to approach and pick up any woman). I was feeling super enlightened and super blessed.
The next thing I did was that I asked myself the following question: “So, what’s my biggest challenge that’s still holding me back from being able to live my top passion that’s all about being able to effortlessly attract women.”
The answer was: the lack of my sexual confidence or my sexual self esteem if you will. In other words, whenever I met a woman that I was sexually attracted to, I’d be constantly hiding my real sexual feelings and desires from her. As a result, I was never able to sexually attract her and eventually pick her up.
In order to fix my sexual confidence around women, I decided to go out totally empty-minded (as described above) and then do a small exercise of putting myself into an uncomfortable situation where I got myself to stare at some hot women’s sexy body parts until I got caught by any one of these women while staring at their legs or tits, for example. I did it in a public place that was an Argentine tango gig place open to public for only about 15-20 minutes. I did it because I fully believed that this one single step alone could hugely help recharge my natural sexual energy towards women so that I can easily attract hot women by projecting my sexual body language vibes almost without any need to approach them and talk to them.
It’s important to mention that I did the above sexual confidence boost exercise while not approaching or picking up any woman at all.
After I left the Argentine gig place, I got extremely hungry. However, I was broke and didn’t have any money left in my pockets at that time. Then I remembered how beneficial for boosting up your self-confidence it is to get out of your daily comfort zones and overcome your small daily fears. So, as I was walking down the street at some point I found a pizza shop. I stood by the shop being tempted to enter it and ask the shop assistant to give me a piece of pizza for free. Despite the fact that I was at first kind of scared to do that, I did it and got a piece of pizza for free.
The outcome: I was feeling so amazingly happy, super excited and extremely proud of myself for spontaneously and naturally doing the above two steps (sexual confidence boost exercise and self confidence boost exercise) that I was flying with an amazing happiness, uplifting excitement and invogorating confidence as if I was on top of the world. While I was eating that piece of pizza and aimlessly walking down the street, I almost start singing and skipping with a huge happiness and pride.
I was feeling both self confident and sexually confident while having no pressure and no intention to approach and pick up any woman at all, because I decided to completely empty my mind from all that stuff, you remember?
And, here comes the moment of the truth – the biggest breakthrough in my pickup game.
At some point after I finished eating my pizza and got close to my home town’s centre, I spotted an extremely hot blonde young girl. She must have been 18 or 19 while I was 39 at that time. She was standing and chatting with her female friend on the other side of the road where she was waiting for her tram at the tram stop where I was also supposed to wait for my tram to go back home. As I was crossing the road while being totally calm, relaxed and self-amused all thanks to the reasons that I stated earlier, we made an intense eye contact immediately before I playfully and spontanesouly threw a short banter line at her. By the way, I can’t remember exactly what was my banter line but it was something down the lines: “So, how long have you been waiting for me here?”
Once I said the above line, she suddenly started to passionately flirt with me and hit on me like crazy. This was a super enjoyable experience of being able to effortlessly attract a hot woman and make her chase me almost like out of thin air that I have never ever experienced before in my entire dating life. Without wanting to brag, I must say that it almost looked like an ideal Casanova-type Hollywood movie scene where everything was going my way flawlessly. I was in a flow.
Man, I was barely opening my mouth for the following 20 minutes until we parted. The experience was super awesome! This is exactly the kind of experience that lifts you up to the sky height once you realize how fast you’re getting better as you’ve mentioned somewhere in your post.
Being carried away with my amazing success that I’ve always dreamed of, I soon decided to passionately study and research the common success traits of the best seduction and pickup artists. As a result, I soon learned that what I did there with that hot girl was mainly using the right flirting body language that helped me effortlessly attract her and make her chase me although I knew absolutely nothing about using the right body language at that time. I later found out that what I was essentially doing right were two key things: using my smiling eyes and using my negative body language the right way.
Your smiling eyes are nothing to do with you actually smiling but just transferring your flirty, playful thoughts from your eyes directly into her eyes as if you’re trying to tell her: “You’re so cute and gorgeous but I’ve just met you, and I’m not thinking of having sex with you yet.”
And, your negative body language is such a body posture where you have the most of your body facing away from the girl that you’ve just met.
Finally, on top of all the above high value realizations, observations and research, I also learned that I was able to enter and fully enjoy that amazing flow state because I was actually taking the 6 key steps to getting into my own flow of effortlessly and naturally attracting women:
STEP 1: First, I was focused on following my top passion that was all about succeeding in effortlessly and masterfully attracting and picking up women. I learned that being in a flow is almost like playing your favorite video game where you absolutely love and enjoy playing every single bit of it because your true passion for playing it always drives you to get to the highest level of the game. This is exactly how I felt that day when I got to the level of being able to effortlessly attract a hot woman and make her chase me.
STEP 2: I was under no pressure of having to approach or pick up any woman. I realized that this helped me not only to fully focus on the moment of meeting a woman, but also to unleash my best in an interaction with her all thanks to a totally calm, relaxed and self-amused state of my mind. I learned that once you get into such state of mind, you’re able to naturally pull up the right things to say and the right moves to make at the right time during an interaction because no external and no internal distractions like your worries, anxieties or fears are holding you back from doing so. You’re fully immersed into doing something that you truly enjoy and love.
STEP 3: Address and fix your biggest challenges that are holding you back from living your top passion.
STEP 4: Find and learn the skill that you need to overcome your biggest challenges.
STEP 5: Set yourself a small doable task while using the right skill for the right challenge in a way that will allow you to get an immediate feedback as your reward for doing that task. This is very important because being rewarded will not only make you very excited and happy but also it’ll motivate you to improve your game until you totally master it.
STEP 6: Repeat the cycle of the previous steps by identifying your new challenges and using the right skills that’ll help you overcome these challenges.
Hope my experience serves you at your best advantage and benefits.
Bruno
P.S. If you want to make women chase you, you should pick up your own flow of effortlessly attracting them all based on just being your true self and expressing your real sexual feelings through both your bosy language and the words you say.
Hey Greg, have you read / come across any of Christian Hudson’s material? What you’ve been talking about in the past kinolifestyle posts is also a large part of the core of his material. Great stuff, both yours and his!
Nope but I just checked his stuff out now and I like what I see. I’ll keep an eye on his blog.
Read The Game by Neil Strauss, if you haven’t already. It’s about Neil’s (aka Style) 2-year journey into the seduction community. It’s an interesting and fun read if nothing else.
Yes I read the Game, it was a very good book and an incredible read! That said, the game relies heavily on routines and lines to build attraction. For example, opinion openers which hide your true intent. DHV stories that come off contrived and routines that just are not natural. This is definitely not my preferred approach. I believe in natural game.
Instead of asking her a meaningless question to strike a conversation I prefer to give her a real compliment. Instead of going through routines and lines, I prefer to soak up her energy and talk in the moment and talk about things that I’m passionate about. And instead of having random negs that I use, I much prefer to flirt and tease and then qualify her about the things I like.
I absolutely agree. When I read The Game the summer before high school I had a hard time implementing it because it just seemed so forced. Now I’m trying to work on natural game, but so far that’s hit or miss.
What is especially difficult is to attempt to reconnect with people (not even necessarily in a romantic way) after a tremendous loss of confidence. After I graduated high school and went to college, I had to make new friends, and so far this has proven to be difficult because I can’t seem to get out of a rut. Because I feel like crap, this is immensely detrimental to my natural game and overall confidence.
Two words = Eckhart toll
Start listening to practicing the power of now. It will change your life.
Love your articles bro! :)
Good stuff to hear. Have you ever heard of David Deangelo? He gives some of the best advice on meeting girls and attraction is one if his main things he talks about. A lot of his info is along the lines of what you talk about. Check him out.
How many girls do you get haha?